LOUVRE SET TO REPLACE THE STOLEN CROWN JEWELS WITH HAILEY WELCH’S FAKE EYELASHES.

PARIS- After the daring heist on Sunday, the Louvre is scrambling to replace a priceless piece of artwork, as its visitor numbers had been plummeting for weeks before this heist.. In an attempt to “modernize”, their board of directors has voted to add an innovative new display, aimed to pull in new visitors.

The new display is entitled “beaux cils de faucon tuah,” which translates to the “beautiful eyelashes of hawk tuah”. This enthralling installation aims to blur the line between viral culture and classic art, celebrating the absurdity and the beauty of internet fame. The lashes, which are encased in a climate-controlled, bulletproof glass chamber, will rest on a velvet cushion once used for Napoléon’s coronation crown, symbolizing how modern royalty is internet fame instead of traditional rulers. Curators hope this display will challenge what defines legacy, value, and art in this new age of social media.

Adrian Searle called the move a “desperate cry for help”, but other critics are more positive, saying it is a "genius fusion of art and pop culture”. Louvre curator Jean-Luc Moreau said, “The Louvre has always been a mirror of its era. Da Vinci captured the mystery of a smile. Welch captures the mystery of a moment. Both are timeless in their own way.”

More museums are beginning to respond to this change, as the British Museum is also experiencing a drop in visitors; they are also looking to purchase something from an influencer or a popular star. They have already bid on a strand of “the six seven kid’s” hair that fell out when he was filmed at a basketball game, saying “6 7”, and they hope to introduce it in early November, along with a couple of other items from people who went “viral”.

To see what the public thought about this change, we interviewed some people on the street. Some people thought that this was a good change, as one 26-year-old said, “Yeah, I think museums have gotten boring and they need to add something to spice up their displays”, but others appreciate the old “dated” style of art. “I think there is no reason for this change, as they should be focused on recovering the stolen jewels instead of buying fake eyelashes… it seems stupid,” said a 52-year-old as we caught him off the métro.

Meanwhile, the Lourve has all but given up on the search for the crown jewels. One Louvre detective on the case said, “Things get taken, things turn up. The crown jewels have probably already been melted down and sold. There is no point in looking for them anymore, especially when such a great display is replacing it.” This really strikes a blow to the people who care about the history of such an impactful piece, which belonged to Emperor Napoleon and his wife, and many people came to the Lourve especially to see.

The president of France, once he heard what the board decided, was all on board. “Au diable les bijoux, on ne les aimait pas de toute façon! C'est un changement révolutionnaire qui rapporta plus d'argent à l'État français et montra aux générations futures à quoi ressemblait la vie moderne. J'annule la chasse à l'homme sur-le-champ, et qu'ils gardent leurs bijoux.” which roughly translates to “To hell with the jewelry, we didn't like it anyway. This is a revolutionary change that will bring more money to the French state and show future generations what modern life was like. I am calling off the manhunt immediately, and they can keep the jewelry.”

After this statement, the public seemed to unite positively, and people flooded into the Louvre yesterday as the exhibit finally opened. We spoke to a spokesperson from the Louvre, and they had a lot to say. “This is the most traffic we’ve gotten in a day, let alone a month! We are now looking into replacing all our exhibits with more modern items, and we have a couple of items set to replace very popular artwork very soon.” When asked if the Mona Lisa was safe, he said, “Oh no, not at all! Within the week, that old hunk of junk will be in storage and replaced by something much better. We are projecting to replace all of our old artwork within the year.”

So, whether you see this as a cultural disaster or a bold step forward, it is certainly worth witnessing. The Louvre’s transformation marks a new era, one where viral internet fame replaces royal legacy, and TikTok trends hang where timeless art once stood. In a world obsessed with clicks over culture, perhaps the “beautiful eyelashes of hawk tuah” are exactly the masterpiece our age deserves.